Quick and painless

Where is nice? I left Colombia and came to Norway. It seemed a good choice. Instead of having to live among foreigners, because that is what humans are to me, this is not easy. One Nordic now dead told me at his home in Sandefjord “potatoes originated in Norway”. This was a man with a degree, survived a war and did extensive reading and traveling. I felt I had to agree since it was his potatoes I was eating. That is the trouble, always being agreeable and allowing people to make such statements escalates into them walking all over me. Another Nordic told me the TV license we pay covered all the channels and not only the national NRK channel. I uttered that it seemed unfair to pay in order to watch re-runs of shows from 1992 and 1995 over and over again and that we had already paid for the same television programs we are made to watch repeatedly. A Nordic doctor from Bergen told me he was to pick and choose who would get a kidney; especially men like me made him extra careful to allow me to get a kidney donation when others could use it better than I could. I left Colombia because they demanded I would be heterosexual and Colombians ignore nature. I was offered a job in Oslo and I took it. Also because of family issues which were based on abuse, sexual discontent and repulsion of having a gay son. I was sodomized at the age of 9 by a gang of students behind the school church, I was given hormone shots to “fix me” said my parents and was beaten up daily by my father, my mother and my classmates all throughout childhood and my teens.

One escapes, it is a natural instinct and self-preservation. History Class: then the Europeans who brought to us Jesus told us killing is wrong and/or to jump off a mountain before they raped our vaginas was wrong too. That lady teacher had the hots for our Algebra teacher, but who didn't? She referred to the stories of the South American natives before the conquest. The story of a native princess that ran to the top of a mountain before the many horny Europeans could gang rape her and she looked at them naked and jumped off a cliff. In 2012 I tried suicide twice. It was after a decade of hospitals and nasty nurses. I even had a deal with a local doctor in Colombia to film my euthanasia for medical purposes and not pay for it. No family member or friend would help me carry on with the ritual. They rather keep me alive to insult me, remind me I gave them no grand kids and keep me alive to pin their sorrows on someone! There is assholes all over but my life seems a magnet for them.

In Norway there are pensions for the disable. I suddenly developed epilepsy in 2000. The man behind the counter told me that 10.000kr would be enough for me as a Colombian and told me with that amount I would live like a king in Colombia. I kept silence, my shock for such view of life cannot come out and say it! I was already a citizen but to him I was just one more foreigner using up the riches of the Nordics. I had worked hard and paid my taxes but the jerk only saw a foreigner with an accent asking for rights in his mind we should not have available. At the end of many years hooked to a machine that rinsed my blood I got an infected kidney from donor with history of kidney failure. I am still chronic but like a doctor said “be thankful you can piss in a bag”. Oh! These Nordics have such Nazi charm! It is not easy I tell you but I manage to supply food for a dog and a cat and have not yet turned tricks to make ends meet. Although are looking into prostitution as in this country the one breaking the law is not the hooker but client. To my pity, the kidney was placed lower than usual and it collides against the lower intestine so every time I eat it hurts. It does not let me get on a cock like I used to and ride it. You see the best is to do like that Indian woman did, jump off the cliff. There is so much wrong I have had to live and why is the reason to that endurance? I cannot tell you. I have not lived nice, nor experienced nice. I only know about hand downs and roll with the punches. I am tired! But there comes a moment each day I want to die sooner than expected. That is my goal in 2013. I hope a heart attack strikes me dead! As it is the risk of chronic kidney patients and my heart is faulty by birth and after 4 years of dialysis grew bigger. Either that or a doctor kills me quick. They are good at killing in this nation. I hope 2013 brings my death – quick and painless and in my sleep. This Friday I hope. Why drag it?